monopoly pick up lines

McDonald’s Monopoly Jokes

Odds For Game!!
$5 million grand prize: “Odds of winning are approximately 1 in 41,497,391,309.”
Trip for two to Vegas: 1 in 114,621,250
Sony Home theater and Flat Panel HDTV: about 1 in 91,697,000
Dodge Viper about 1 in 17.8 billion
By comparison
Win Powerball Lottery is 1 in 146,107,962

Q: How does a Redneck play McDonald’s Monopoly?
A: McDonald’s employees aren’t eligible.

Q: What’s better than playing McDonald’s Monopoly?
A: Not gaining 10 pounds of trans-fat!

Q: What do you call an orphan with Boardwalk and Park Place?
A: Adopted.

Q: Why did McDonald’s pick the game Monopoly?
A: It’s fun to play, but at the end everyone’s bankrupt!

Q: What do you get when you cross a popular board game with fast food?
A: Obesity!!

Q: How do you give a girl with anorexia, “love handles”?
A: Mcdonald’s Monopoly!!

Q: What do you get if you play McDonald’s Monopoly 30 Days Straight?
A: A Heart Attack!! – Jokes and More

Monopoly Jokes

Following is our collection of jewmanji puns and game one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Monopoly jokes for adults, dirty badminton jokes and clean strategy dad gags for kids.

The Best Monopoly Puns

Been in Jail for 5 minutes and I’ve already been raped twice.

I really need to stop playing monopoly with my uncle.

I almost got raped in jail .

My family takes monopoly way too seriously.

Why can’t two women play monopoly together?

There’s only one iron.

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

where you just walk around the board paying rent, never able to buy anything.

You can tell Monopoly is an old game.

. because there’s free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

I’ve been in jail for only 10 minutes and I have already been raped and beaten 3 times.

This is definitely the last time I play monopoly with my dad

I beat my wife and she immediately divorced me.

Some people take Monopoly way too seriously.

My brother went to jail. He didn’t take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don’t think we will play Monopoly with him again.

If I had a dollar for every gender

I would have two dollars and a lot of monopoly money.

Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn’t agree who was banker, they’d refuse to play completely?

Welcome to the shutdown.

My brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him and smeared the walls with his own faeces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Related Topics

  • solitaire
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  • monthly
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  • uncle
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I’m playing Monopoly with Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton.

Trump grabbed Community Chest as fast as he could, is building hotels on properties he doesn’t really own and is refusing to pay income tax

Clinton started out with a house on Illinois Ave, somehow always has a “Get out of jail free” card and keeps saying she respects any opponent holding Vermont Ave

However, in the end, I have a feeling neither will be satisfied until they get a house on Pennsylvania Ave

My Brother took going to jail really badly.

He refused food or drink. He spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and started throwing things.

We never played Monopoly again.

I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board.

I thought, I’ll give it a Go.

I’ve always suspected my wife was cheating. Yesterday I found the evidence I was looking for.

She kept the monopoly money hidden in the cushion of the couch.

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It’s called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

I just found a monopoly set without instructions.

What are the chances?

I’ve been in prison for only 5 minutes, and I’ve already been raped.

I hate playing monopoly with my dad

My brother took being sent to prison really badly.

He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.

That was the last time we played monopoly.

I hate monopoly! My dad always beats me!

Its probably because I always win.

I’ve been to jail five times and got raped twice

I’m starting to dislike playing Monopoly with my dad.

I’m angry that only one company makes the game monopoly.

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us.

Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. He goes up to the cashier to pay for the toy car and offers fake Monopoly money. The cashier says to Little Johnny, “are you dumb? this is not real money.” Little Johnny responds, “You’re stupid, neither is the car. “

My husband cheated

I caught my husband cheating. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.

Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.

I’ve been in jail for less than an hour and I’ve already been raped twice!

This is the LAST time I play monopoly with my dad

What does Monopoly and this sub have in common?

Both keep reusing the same ideas and people still buy it.

My wife was in jail, so I decided to go for the conjugal visit, which caused her parents to start freaking out.

Best game of Monopoly ever!

I was raped within the first five minutes of being in jail

That’s the last time I play Monopoly with my dad

I’ll never forget the Christmas Eve my father went to jail.

It didn’t take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing feces on the walls.

I’ll never play Monopoly with him again.

Monogamy is having one spouse. Polygamy is having more than one spouse.

Monopolygamy is marrying the Monopoly Guy.

My brother took going to jail pretty hard. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at everyone who passed by, and smeared his own feces all over the walls.

Needless to say we’ll never play Monopoly again..

Which one is the odd one out; monopoly, rape, incest?

Rape. It’s not a family game.

The weird thing about the game Monopoly

Is that only one company can make it.

I went to jail for 5 minutes and got beaten 3 times and raped once

I’m never playing monopoly with my dad again

When I went to jail, i walked up to the biggest guy and punched him as hard as I could.

That’s the last time my dad played monopoly with me.

My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret.

She’s never going to play monopoly with me again!

The artist named Feat has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breaking the law somehow, and must face his crimes. #DeathToFeat

Idea for a board game

BONOPOLY – Similar to Monopoly, but where the streets have no name.

The Wright Way

“I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly.”
-Steven Wright

Every day, there’s a kid coming to my store looking for trouble.

And every day, I tell him we’re sold out.

Can’t he buy Monopoly instead?

I played monopoly once and landed on every spot on the board except for one.

I never stood a chance.

My wife caught me cheating while we were playing monopoly

She dropped the dice and saw me fingering her sister

A man pushes a car to a hotel and suddenly loses all his fortune.

He stopped at the enemy’s hotel in Monopoly.

Me: I was raped in jail mom

. Dad’s taking Monopoly too seriously

Did you hear about the guy who has monopoly on the chicken industry?

He’s a real chick magnate

Never in my life have I seen so much corruption, bribery, bIackmail, jealousy, theft, fraud, deception, and outright bloodshed.

And honestly I’m wondering why I even play Monopoly with my family in the first place.

When it comes to board games about buying real estate.

Hasbro really has the Monopoly.

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn’t see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they’d be *way* higher.

I was playing Monopoly with a couple of friends and picked the hat piece, winked, and said.

My girlfriend accused me of cheating.

. so I admitted, that yes, I had in fact been cheating on her and was instead sleeping with her sister. We broke up the next day.

It’s a shame really we were only playing Monopoly.

When I was a kid my older brother dared me to take a bite of a Monopoly board.

It was a little gamey.

If I had a dollar for every gender created in 2016

I’d have one million dollars, unfortunately it would be in monopoly money because none of them are real.


I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

There is an abundance of banker jokes out there. You’re fortunate to read a set of the 53 funniest jokes and monopoly puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any fcc witze you can hear about monopoly.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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Monopoly jokes that are not only about solitaire but actually working dominance puns like Been in Jail for minutes and I ve already been raped twice and I almost got raped in jail